Workshop #9: Desire by Dave White

on Oct 23rd 2009 with 6 comments

At Audiotuts+ we irregularly put up a reader track for workshopping and critique (find out how to submit a track). This is how it works: you upload your song, and every couple of weeks we’ll publish one here and step away from the podium. The floor is yours to talk about the track and how the artist can fix problems in and improve upon the mix and the song.

This track has been submitted for your friendly, constructive criticism. They have put their track (and their heart and soul) in your hands to learn and get useful feedback.

  • Do you enjoy the song or track itself? Does it have potential?
  • Can the arrangement be improved?
  • How did you find the mix? What would you do differently?
  • What do you enjoy about the rhythm track? What can be done to improve it?
  • Is the choice of instruments relevant and effective for the style/song?
  • Are the lyrics (if any) effective? Does the style, arrangement and genre of the song suit them?
  • Can you suggest any specific techniques that might improve the track?
  • Do you have any other constructive feedback?

Desire by Dave White

Dave White describes the track: “The song is ‘desire’ and that’s pretty much what it is about.”

Written and performed by David White

(c) 2009 AudioMoxie™ Music (BMI)

(P) 2009 AudioMoxie™ Records

Have a listen to the track and offer your constructive criticism for this Workshop in the comments section.

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Need constructive criticism on your own tracks? Submit them using this form.

 
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Adrian is writer and editor for Audiotuts+ and Envato Notes. He has been playing keys and acoustic guitar for three decades, and has six kids. Follow him on Twitter at @envatoaudio.  

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  • iL

    That guy who is singing – he is too loud. And the whole song is too long. If you make it that long – add something catchy, otherwise there’s a risk that the listener will get bored.
    But the song itself is interesting, yeah cool. And sounds are interesting too.
    Good luck!

  • http://digitalink.me Evan George

    I couldn’t possibly comment on a genre like this. It’s just not something my ears enjoy and can stay attentive to.

    But I will say it sounds like they had fun making it.

  • http://www.isotopics.com Ben Cameron

    It sounds like you have a lot of really good elements in this sound, but they’re battling for room on the sound stage. When you go back to listen to your mix, think in 3 dimensions and mix that way, a touch of reverb would help here and there. Specifically, I would pay attention to the vocal submix, bringing the full group back in the mix to make room for the other instruments and make some decisions on the levels for your doubling tracks.

    Once you’ve addressed that, it may address the other issue I’m hearing which is that your drums are pushed too far back in the mix, and possibly have too much eq on them, they sound a bit too thin. By giving up some of the energy that the vocals are taking up in the spectrum, you’ll be making room for the drums.

    At 3:30 or so you have a tamborine track comes in that is pretty out of time. I would keep at it until you get that timing right.

    You might also consider a light compression across your master bus to “glue” it all together. Don’t squash it too much, but give it a little nudge to make it all sound like a cohesive whole that is in the same room together.

    • http://www.reverbnation.com/davewhitepdx david white

      thanks, that is excellent criticism, you are right about the out of time tambourine, never could get it right. composing on a macbook sometime yields strange timing issues. often thing will be in sync , then all of a sudden they are out of whack and i have to spend hours flex timing, etc. (tis was actual done on logic 8 prior to my purchase of logic 9). one (of my many) flaw(s) i have is i work fast. a blessing and a curse. this (and almost every song on my site) are usually one in one sitting. i’ll stay up all night if i have to (usually ’cause i’m writing as i go). anyway, it’s an excuse on one level and the energy that propels me on another. so thanks and i’ll take to heart the helpful notes you have offered. if you have any other comments on any of te other songs on my site feel free to drop me a line there. thank you long-winded dave

  • LC

    Sorry, not really a genre I like, and I like most genres :(
    But I’d agree there is some competition for frequency space here.

    On the up side, it does have some moents where it sounds raw and kind of cool in a brute force way – so as to fit the title. Which is good!

  • http://www.kieranklaassen.com Kieran Klaassen

    to much master compression, and tighten up, EQ and mix. this has only a master compression??