This track has been submitted for your friendly, constructive criticism. What useful feedback can you give the artist? The floor is yours to talk about the track and how they can fix problems in and improve upon the mix and the song.
Description of the track:
This is a song about my kid moving out. His old room is now my studio and this is the inaugural song. Pretty simple, and perhaps a bit too personal for this but I want to use it to learn more about the mysteries of mixing, especially when it comes to EQ and dynamics, which I’m totally guessing at.
All instruments were played by me except drums. I used Logic 9, an M-Audio Mobile Pre interface, and an Axiom Pro 61 keyboard. I use some old Bang and Olufsen speakers for my monitors and VB3 for my Hammond sound.
Lyrics:
He hasn’t really gone too far
Away;
He came back for dinner in just four days.
But when he said goodbye I knew
It’s true
These days are gone for good.
He’s moving out, like any man,
But he’s not just any man,
He’s my son
Oliver’s gone, he’s left home, he’s packed up, driven off and he’s out on his own.
He’s moved on, it’s ok, he’s just a man out there trying to make his own way.
I have a picture when he’s two, leaning against Luke,
In the fall, picking pumpkins.
Now he can fix his car, and he’s got a paying job
In the arts, that’s something,
He’s turned out to be quite a man
And he’s not just any man He’s our son
Oliver’s gone, he’s left home, he’s packed up, driven off and he’s out on his own.
He’s moved on, it’s ok, now he’s a man out there trying to make his own way.
Bridge
Don’t forget to check the oil
Don’t forget to lock the doors
Don’t forget to call your mom
Don’t forget, don’t forget, don’t forget…
He’s gone, he’s moved on, he’s packed up, driven off and out on his own
He’s moved on, gone from this home,
like a bird he has flown from our home he has gone.
Oliver’s gone, Oliver’s gone, Oliver’s left this house and he’s out on his own
He’s gone, Oliver’s gone, Oliver’s gone…
I got his room, so I wrote this song.
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By Adrian Try
- Mike
- screenwright
- PoMo